Tag Archives: unicorn

I Want It Now

21 Sep

My birthday is coming up soon and since it is very possible that my dad reads my blog, I would like to share my birthday list so he and my mom can start shopping. Don’t worry, daddy, I promise not to get too Veruca Salt on your ass this year.

1. Money for a tank of gas.

2. Shoes.

Tell mom I’m an 8 1/2

 

3. A clever teapot.

I just want to tell you so much…I love this teapot

 

4. This Pasotti Ombrelli. It’s like a fucking scepter with a pretty umbrella on the end. I don’t own an umbrella, and I’m in need of a scepter, so this will be perfect.

Only $215.00

 

5. Underpants. I needs ’em (seriously, I haven’t worn underwear in like a month).

It’s true

 

6. GIMMIE THIS PIG.

I shall name her Gertrude

 

7. A funny boyfriend who enjoys copious amounts of sexual activities and doesn’t mind killing the spiders in my basement. He should also like wine, cheese and hugging me.

A silhouette attempt

 

8.  I ask every year, so I’m not sure why you still haven’t gotten me a fucking beautiful unicorn.

Look, two fucking beautiful unicorns. I want the less feisty one.

 

9. Lastly, Blackwood Distillers makes a triple distilled vodka that is ice-filtered through Nordic birch charcoal and then is passed through a sand of crushed diamonds and other gems. Price? $1,060,000. It’s so beautiful that I probably won’t even cry or text an ex-boyfriend when I drink it (just kidding, I probably will).

This is necessary for your daughter’s happiness, daddy. Love you!

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