Post by Another Single, Boring White Girl Named Lauren

9 Oct

Looks like a rat has made a nest on my front porch. It’s pretty much the size of a Chihuahua. I saw it eating a bagel. My diet only allows those 100 calorie bagel thins. Must be nice.

Anyway, I guess the rat is here to stay. I’ve swept its poop off the stoop on Saturdays and Wednesdays for at least a month now.

Lunch time. I brought yogurt. Got to make sure my body looks like skin and bones for next summer in case I get to go to the beach or something.

 
– Lauren

PS – Oh my gosh, I almost forgot tomorrow is trash day. That was a close call.

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34 Responses to “Post by Another Single, Boring White Girl Named Lauren”

  1. pivoine68 October 9, 2012 at 12:50 pm #

    Wow! Sorry about the rat. I have never found you boring!

    Bisous,
    Dawn

    Like

  2. Dee Dee October 9, 2012 at 12:59 pm #

    Oh stop with this. I know that La La and Lauren are one in the same.

    Like

    • La La October 9, 2012 at 1:04 pm #

      Fine, we are, but I am not allowed to talk about the fun things that happen because my parents say so. So, there.

      Like

  3. Maggie O'C October 9, 2012 at 1:10 pm #

    Wow! Good news about the garbage! Hope it all goes well tomorrow, do you have to put out recycling too?

    Like

    • La La October 9, 2012 at 1:13 pm #

      No, that’s Friday, which reminds me that I need to put a hole in the bottom of the can so the water will drain out. It has been rainy and I won’t be able to lift it down the steps otherwise.

      Like

      • Maggie O'C October 9, 2012 at 1:31 pm #

        Well, there’s your post for tomorrow!

        Like

  4. Love and Lunchmeat October 9, 2012 at 1:29 pm #

    Summer is a long way away, and pumpkin donuts are being stocked at your local DD right now. (And La La would tell you that nothing goes with vodka quite like pumpkin donuts…)

    Like

    • La La October 9, 2012 at 1:33 pm #

      It….it does? If I didn’t know any better, well i’d say you’re trying to tempt me.

      Like

  5. Sword-chinned bitch October 9, 2012 at 1:51 pm #

    Bunk this! — “skin and bones for next summer?!” — How the hell’s La La?! What have you done with her?! I want La La! 😀

    Like

    • La La October 9, 2012 at 2:23 pm #

      La La had like 80 funny things happen this week worth mentioning. She will certainly be back. Thank you for your support. 😉

      Like

  6. T. W. Dittmer October 9, 2012 at 2:14 pm #

    Oh you poor thing! You’d better sit down and fan yourself for a spell, lest you swoon from all the excitement.

    Like

    • La La October 9, 2012 at 2:21 pm #

      Nobody can tell what I suffer!

      Like

      • T. W. Dittmer October 9, 2012 at 2:42 pm #

        😉

        Like

  7. Carrie Rubin October 9, 2012 at 2:56 pm #

    So nice of you to clean up after the rat…

    Like

    • La La October 9, 2012 at 3:31 pm #

      I do what I can for nature.

      Like

  8. Christopher De Voss October 9, 2012 at 3:34 pm #

    I both love and hate trash day, but I hate rats period. Poop off the Stoop is the name of my rock-n-roll band.

    Like

    • La La October 9, 2012 at 3:39 pm #

      Can I be in your band?

      Like

      • Christopher De Voss October 9, 2012 at 3:44 pm #

        Lead singer and bass positions still open.
        Your choice…or both?

        Like

        • La La October 9, 2012 at 3:47 pm #

          Both will be good (once I take bass lessons).

          Like

  9. sweetmother October 9, 2012 at 3:37 pm #

    why is this hilarious? because it is, it’s hilarious! xo, sm

    Like

    • La La October 10, 2012 at 10:15 am #

      Thanks, I am learning that I am having trouble coming up with this Lauren stuff the way I had hoped haha.

      Like

  10. The Bumble Files October 9, 2012 at 7:03 pm #

    I agree with sweetmother….it is hilarious in an un-La La like way. See. And, look, now you’re in a new band. La La can’t say that!

    Like

    • La La October 10, 2012 at 10:14 am #

      Take that, La La!

      Like

  11. Madame Weebles October 9, 2012 at 11:40 pm #

    This is still more interesting than my day was.

    Like

    • La La October 10, 2012 at 10:13 am #

      Haha that can’t be true.

      Like

  12. kenthinksaloud October 10, 2012 at 5:19 am #

    Careful Lauren…there’s every possibility this could go viral – despite you best efforts! I have to ask – do you ALWAYS do what your parents tell you?….La La wouldn’t 😉

    Like

    • La La October 10, 2012 at 10:14 am #

      No….not ALWAYS….

      Like

  13. Frivolous Monsters October 10, 2012 at 9:42 am #

    Are Mom and Pop cracking down? Seriously?
    It’s why try to keep well below the Radar.

    Like

    • La La October 10, 2012 at 10:11 am #

      Yep. Although you don’t even say anything worth hiding.

      Like

      • Frivolous Monsters October 10, 2012 at 10:21 am #

        Wow. And I thought your Dad wasn’t reading after all.
        A damning indictment of my work there.

        Like

  14. becca3416 October 10, 2012 at 4:21 pm #

    Don’t scare me like that again. I almost shit my pants at work, but then I remembered I don’t have trash pick up anymore.

    Like

  15. Lori DiNardi October 11, 2012 at 2:43 pm #

    A rat make me bored, it makes me go eeeeek!

    Like

  16. The Hook October 21, 2012 at 9:05 am #

    You make boring cool!

    Like

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