Post by Another Single, Boring White Girl Named Lauren

9 Oct

Looks like a rat has made a nest on my front porch. It’s pretty much the size of a Chihuahua. I saw it eating a bagel. My diet only allows those 100 calorie bagel thins. Must be nice.

Anyway, I guess the rat is here to stay. I’ve swept its poop off the stoop on Saturdays and Wednesdays for at least a month now.

Lunch time. I brought yogurt. Got to make sure my body looks like skin and bones for next summer in case I get to go to the beach or something.

– Lauren

PS – Oh my gosh, I almost forgot tomorrow is trash day. That was a close call.

34 Responses to “Post by Another Single, Boring White Girl Named Lauren”

pivoine68 October 9, 2012 at 12:50 pm #

Wow! Sorry about the rat. I have never found you boring!

Bisous,
Dawn

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Dee Dee October 9, 2012 at 12:59 pm #

Oh stop with this. I know that La La and Lauren are one in the same.

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- La La October 9, 2012 at 1:04 pm #
  
  Fine, we are, but I am not allowed to talk about the fun things that happen because my parents say so. So, there.
  
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Maggie O'C October 9, 2012 at 1:10 pm #

Wow! Good news about the garbage! Hope it all goes well tomorrow, do you have to put out recycling too?

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- La La October 9, 2012 at 1:13 pm #
  
  No, that’s Friday, which reminds me that I need to put a hole in the bottom of the can so the water will drain out. It has been rainy and I won’t be able to lift it down the steps otherwise.
  
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  - Maggie O'C October 9, 2012 at 1:31 pm #
    
    Well, there’s your post for tomorrow!
    
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Love and Lunchmeat October 9, 2012 at 1:29 pm #

Summer is a long way away, and pumpkin donuts are being stocked at your local DD right now. (And La La would tell you that nothing goes with vodka quite like pumpkin donuts…)

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- La La October 9, 2012 at 1:33 pm #
  
  It….it does? If I didn’t know any better, well i’d say you’re trying to tempt me.
  
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Sword-chinned bitch October 9, 2012 at 1:51 pm #

Bunk this! — “skin and bones for next summer?!” — How the hell’s La La?! What have you done with her?! I want La La! 😀

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- La La October 9, 2012 at 2:23 pm #
  
  La La had like 80 funny things happen this week worth mentioning. She will certainly be back. Thank you for your support. 😉
  
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T. W. Dittmer October 9, 2012 at 2:14 pm #

Oh you poor thing! You’d better sit down and fan yourself for a spell, lest you swoon from all the excitement.

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- La La October 9, 2012 at 2:21 pm #
  
  Nobody can tell what I suffer!
  
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  - T. W. Dittmer October 9, 2012 at 2:42 pm #
    
    😉
    
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Carrie Rubin October 9, 2012 at 2:56 pm #

So nice of you to clean up after the rat…

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- La La October 9, 2012 at 3:31 pm #
  
  I do what I can for nature.
  
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Christopher De Voss October 9, 2012 at 3:34 pm #

I both love and hate trash day, but I hate rats period. Poop off the Stoop is the name of my rock-n-roll band.

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- La La October 9, 2012 at 3:39 pm #
  
  Can I be in your band?
  
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  - Christopher De Voss October 9, 2012 at 3:44 pm #
    
    Lead singer and bass positions still open.
    Your choice…or both?
    
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    - La La October 9, 2012 at 3:47 pm #
      
      Both will be good (once I take bass lessons).
      
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sweetmother October 9, 2012 at 3:37 pm #

why is this hilarious? because it is, it’s hilarious! xo, sm

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- La La October 10, 2012 at 10:15 am #
  
  Thanks, I am learning that I am having trouble coming up with this Lauren stuff the way I had hoped haha.
  
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The Bumble Files October 9, 2012 at 7:03 pm #

I agree with sweetmother….it is hilarious in an un-La La like way. See. And, look, now you’re in a new band. La La can’t say that!

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- La La October 10, 2012 at 10:14 am #
  
  Take that, La La!
  
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Madame Weebles October 9, 2012 at 11:40 pm #

This is still more interesting than my day was.

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- La La October 10, 2012 at 10:13 am #
  
  Haha that can’t be true.
  
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kenthinksaloud October 10, 2012 at 5:19 am #

Careful Lauren…there’s every possibility this could go viral – despite you best efforts! I have to ask – do you ALWAYS do what your parents tell you?….La La wouldn’t 😉

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- La La October 10, 2012 at 10:14 am #
  
  No….not ALWAYS….
  
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  - kenthinksaloud October 10, 2012 at 2:17 pm #
    
    I thought not 😉
    
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Frivolous Monsters October 10, 2012 at 9:42 am #

Are Mom and Pop cracking down? Seriously?
It’s why try to keep well below the Radar.

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- La La October 10, 2012 at 10:11 am #
  
  Yep. Although you don’t even say anything worth hiding.
  
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  - Frivolous Monsters October 10, 2012 at 10:21 am #
    
    Wow. And I thought your Dad wasn’t reading after all.
    A damning indictment of my work there.
    
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becca3416 October 10, 2012 at 4:21 pm #

Don’t scare me like that again. I almost shit my pants at work, but then I remembered I don’t have trash pick up anymore.

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Lori DiNardi October 11, 2012 at 2:43 pm #

A rat make me bored, it makes me go eeeeek!

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The Hook October 21, 2012 at 9:05 am #

You make boring cool!

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