Tag Archives: hobbits

Katie Couric: Part 2

23 Jun

You may remember part one of the Katie story when I explained that a producer read my blog and had me on the show. The post she read was about the funny, ridiculous stuff I did while taking the sleeping medication Ambien during the first semester of my freshman year at college. I had little to no memory of the experiences and my poor roommate, Kelli, would have to tell me all about it the next day. Luckily, unlike the woman who appears with me in the segment,  nothing bad happened to me while on the medicine.

So anyway, the producer read the post and said I was cute and funny and in my head I had a little party because it’s not every day that a producer of anything ever calls me “cute” or “funny.” Hell, it’s not every day that a producer calls me at all, so I was pretty much simultaneously peeing and pooping my pants with happiness. One of my proudest moments was when she saw me in the green room on the day we taped and announced loudly, “Thheeerre’s my little hobbit looover!” causing me to guffaw nervously as the other guests appearing on the show curiously stared at me. Ugh, I am turning red just thinking about it.

The episode airs Monday on ABC at 4pm EST. Watch the show if you want to see me on TV in my pajamas…most likely being awkward. I’m in the second segment. Also, keep in mind that after we taped, my boyfriend and I had to carry life-size cardboard hobbits through the streets of NYC. Yes, they will be on the show. Yes, I’m a nerd… but I guess you knew that already.

 

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Obligatory Search Terms Post

15 Jan

There are many that stand out to me, but below are some of my favorite search terms from this past week. Of course the top search term was “tales of a charm city chick.” Yes, everyone, I can see that you look me up. The second search term was “Jonah Falcon’s dick,” which is still 13.5 inches in case anyone is wondering. No, I don’t know from experience, but I promise that you can find information about him elsewhere.

Okay, here we go.

Section 1:

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1. I will not strip on Skype, but I will do the robot for you to Tom Jones, though, so we should Skype some time.

2. It’s true, cats do not give even one single fuck.

3. I can do the Carmen Electra booty shake. I am small, but mighty.

Section 2:

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1. How to look hot like Marlon Brando. I don’t know, but if you are male, single and figure it out please CALL ME.

2. I am not available for purchase, but thank you for inquiring.

3. I have never discussed this topic, and I’m glad it has never happened to me.

4. YOU WENT OUT WITHOUT SOCKS…you risque little man, you.

Section 3:

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1. Aw, baby jesus wishes you a Merry Christmas, too.

2. I do have requirements, you can find them at this location. 

3. Someone got drunk and looked up a creepy topic about unicorns. For shame.

4. Canary yellow bridesmaids dresses are just lovely…I hope you found what you were looking for.

5. How to strip on Skype? 1. Turn on Tom Jones. 2. Take off your clothes, probably. You’re welcome. NEXT.

6. I love Lord of the Rings and all things hobbits, but girl hobbits are probably hairy, too. Just a warning.

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7. James Spader was hot as a young man. Agreed.

8. Who will strip for you on Skype? It still isn’t me. Try meeting someone and working for it. Lazy.

9. MY MOST FAVORITE SEARCH TERM OF THE LAST 7 DAYS. I don’t know. I don’t have words about this bodysuit. I don’t have a single thing to say besides THANK YOU for looking it up. Seriously, thank you.

 

Last but not least, if you haven’t seen it, this is my new future husband, Macklemore…. if Vyvacious doesn’t get to him first, of course. She’s gorgeous and loves her some Batman.

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