Obligatory Search Terms Post

15 Jan

There are many that stand out to me, but below are some of my favorite search terms from this past week. Of course the top search term was “tales of a charm city chick.” Yes, everyone, I can see that you look me up. The second search term was “Jonah Falcon’s dick,” which is still 13.5 inches in case anyone is wondering. No, I don’t know from experience, but I promise that you can find information about him elsewhere.

Okay, here we go.

Section 1:


1. I will not strip onΒ Skype, but I will do the robot for you to Tom Jones, though, so we should Skype some time.

2. It’s true, cats do not give even one single fuck.

3. I can do the Carmen Electra booty shake. I am small, but mighty.

Section 2:


1. How to look hot like Marlon Brando. I don’t know, but if you are male, single and figure it out please CALL ME.

2. I am not available for purchase, but thank you for inquiring.

3. I have never discussed this topic, and I’m glad it has never happened to me.

4. YOU WENT OUT WITHOUT SOCKS…you risque little man, you.

Section 3:


1. Aw, baby jesus wishes you a Merry Christmas, too.

2. I do have requirements, you can find them at this location.Β 

3. Someone got drunk and looked up a creepy topic about unicorns.Β For shame.

4. Canary yellow bridesmaids dresses are just lovely…I hope you found what you were looking for.

5. How to strip on Skype? 1. Turn on Tom Jones. 2. Take off your clothes, probably. You’re welcome. NEXT.

6. I love Lord of the Rings and all things hobbits, but girl hobbits are probably hairy, too. Just a warning.

IMG_20130115_130122_458 (1)

7. James Spader was hot as a young man. Agreed.

8. Who will strip for you on Skype? It still isn’t me. Try meeting someone and working for it. Lazy.

9. MY MOST FAVORITE SEARCH TERM OF THE LAST 7 DAYS. I don’t know. I don’t have words about this bodysuit. I don’t have a single thing to say besides THANK YOU for looking it up. Seriously, thank you.


Last but not least, if you haven’t seen it, this is my new future husband, Macklemore…. if Vyvacious doesn’t get to him first, of course. She’s gorgeous and loves her some Batman.


66 Responses to “Obligatory Search Terms Post”

  1. Ruby Tuesday January 15, 2013 at 1:57 pm #

    I’m glad I’m not the only one who gets repeated searches relating to nudity and/or sex. Yes, it’s still creepy, but you make it less so by making me laugh!


    • La La January 15, 2013 at 2:04 pm #

      You have to laugh because, like, what are people DOING out there?


      • Karen January 15, 2013 at 2:23 pm #

        Oh, come on. You know what they’re doing.


        • La La January 15, 2013 at 2:30 pm #

          Ugh, fine. I was trying to play it cool. At least they were probably frustrated when they came upon my nonsense. Hah, came upon.


  2. Jen and Tonic January 15, 2013 at 2:20 pm #

    The thing about your weird search terms is that they’re still kind of intelligent. I get things like, “My sis haz a byke can I ryde it?” but yours seems like people who have half a brain. I mean, cats really DON’T give one single fuck.


    • La La January 15, 2013 at 2:32 pm #

      HAHA well, you should advise him perhaps that he can’t ryde that byke he needs his own byke.


  3. becca3416 January 15, 2013 at 2:39 pm #

    I will thank that person for number eight as well. Obnoxious laughter STILL coming from my office.


  4. Carrie Rubin January 15, 2013 at 2:47 pm #

    Well at least I know where to go now when I want pictures of a young James Spader–before he got all soft and puffy. But I’m wondering, how boring must one’s life be to actually search for things like “went out tonight didn’t wear socks”?


    • La La January 15, 2013 at 3:59 pm #

      SO boring, Carrie. Our lives will never achieve such boredom, I imagine.


      • Carrie Rubin January 15, 2013 at 4:15 pm #

        Well, I don’t suppose I’m all THAT far behind him…


  5. Kylie January 15, 2013 at 3:03 pm #

    Maybe the “writting” person was searching for misspelled tattoos? I can’t stand the creepy sex search terms because the few times I’ve replicated the search, images of my DAUGHTER have shown up. CREEPY.


    • La La January 15, 2013 at 3:58 pm #

      Haha Kylie, that’s scary!!! At least they were disappointed with the result. We hope.


  6. Madame Weebles January 15, 2013 at 3:38 pm #

    Okay, we need to Skype again so you can do the Robot to Tom Jones for me, and also show me the Carmen Electra booty shake. I feel bad for girl hobbits, though—as hard as it is for me to find shoes in my size, they must have a really difficult time if they try to buy shoes (even though I assume they go barefoot like the boy hobbits too).

    Your search terms are naughtier than mine, although mine have gotten naughtier over the months, which is a relief.


    • La La January 15, 2013 at 4:00 pm #

      Ok all those things will happen. I look forward to your search terms post. I always do haha


    • twindaddy January 15, 2013 at 6:34 pm #

      Madam, I think that should be her next YouTube video. A belated birthday present to you, perhaps?


  7. Lori D January 15, 2013 at 4:13 pm #

    Yep, it’s true, cats do not give a fark. I’m speaking into my new Dragon voice box, and it spells F U C K as fark. Hee hee.


    • La La January 15, 2013 at 6:35 pm #

      HAHA, I have that program. I don’t even give a fark.


      • Lori D January 15, 2013 at 6:41 pm #

        It may be juvenile but it’s fun to cuss into it.


  8. tracy fulks January 15, 2013 at 6:05 pm #

    That is most excellent. Almost as excellent as the fact that I get well over 500 hits a day on every misspelling of “masturbation techniques”
    I run a classy blog.


    • calahan January 15, 2013 at 6:32 pm #

      Yeah, sorry about that, Tracy. *awkward grin*


    • twindaddy January 15, 2013 at 6:35 pm #

      It appears that I need to search your archives.


      • La La January 15, 2013 at 6:37 pm #

        It appears you are correct, sir. There was this one time when this super cute blogger wanted to skype strip with me and I was like “you first” and he did it and then it was my turn and I was like oooh crap, so I turned on Tom Jones and did the robot and it was epic but he HATED ME FOR IT and doesn’t even talk to me anymore because of it.


        • twindaddy January 15, 2013 at 6:38 pm #

          Well, I was replying to Tracy, but I’m definitely going to look for that now. That sounds hilarious.


          • La La January 15, 2013 at 6:39 pm #

            Oh. My thing doesn’t say. Never you mind.


            • twindaddy January 15, 2013 at 6:40 pm #

              No no. That’s good. I’ll search your archives, too. That doesn’t sound creepy, does it?


            • La La January 15, 2013 at 6:40 pm #

              Sounds hot.


            • twindaddy January 15, 2013 at 6:43 pm #

              Then I’ll commence searching right away, milady. Do you mind if I sing while I do so? La la la la la la la la la….


            • La La January 15, 2013 at 6:43 pm #

              Even hotter.


            • twindaddy January 15, 2013 at 6:44 pm #

              I’m on it!!


      • tracy fulks January 15, 2013 at 10:02 pm #

        just type masturbation techniques in google and it’s in the top 3.


        • twindaddy January 16, 2013 at 6:11 am #

          Wow. You’re techniques must be legendary for Google to have placed them so high on the list.


          • tracy fulks January 16, 2013 at 9:03 am #

            I know, right? It’s like I’m the Queen of Creative Masturbation. I like it.


            • twindaddy January 16, 2013 at 9:17 am #

              Perchance, is there an instructional video?


            • tracy fulks January 16, 2013 at 9:35 am #

              only if you make one.


            • twindaddy January 16, 2013 at 9:43 am #

              Dammit. No one wants to see that.


  9. Maddie Cochere January 15, 2013 at 6:30 pm #

    I completely forgot the search items, because I can’t quit watching the video. I know the song, but haven’t seen the video, and it’s such a hoot! How fun for that woman who lip-synched. Help me. I can’t stop listening and watching this thing!


    • La La January 15, 2013 at 6:33 pm #

      FINALLY! Someone for the video. It’s easily one of the funniest things I have ever seen. It has been on repeat in these house. There’s another they did called “And We Danced” and it is also a good time.


      • Maddie Cochere January 15, 2013 at 6:34 pm #

        I will go look for it, and I’m sure I’ll be entertained for the rest of the evening! πŸ™‚


  10. twindaddy January 15, 2013 at 6:32 pm #

    Dearest La La (la la la la la la la la la – la la)
    Please tell me how to get kick ass search terms like that for my site. Mine are mundane and lame. Please kindly advise.

    PS. WordPress is trying to keep us apart. Your post did not show up in my reader. I’m fuming.


    • La La January 15, 2013 at 6:35 pm #

      Well, start by having really awkward things to discuss like naked skyping. Okay, you got that. Type the words out a few times in a post and tag it. Voila.


      • twindaddy January 15, 2013 at 6:37 pm #

        Hmmm…I thought I had some pretty weird posts on my blog, but evidently not weird enough. Thank you, La La. I shall come up with something.


  11. vyvacious January 15, 2013 at 9:23 pm #

    *Carmen Electra booty shake* Yeaaaah!! Great post! Does this mean you’ll be my Zumba buddy?! πŸ˜€ also, can we really please Skype and do the robot together? πŸ™‚

    This cracks me up because I have some really strange search terms too. Perfect segway for me to write my own blog post about it!! πŸ˜›

    Haha and yessss!!! Macklemore!!! ❀ I looooove him πŸ™‚ you are so sweet thank ya!! πŸ˜€ I would go after him myself but he's already got a gf… Le sigh 😦


    • La La January 15, 2013 at 9:25 pm #

      Um yeah we can. Email me I want to Skype. We should do a video!!!!!


      • vyvacious January 16, 2013 at 1:54 am #

        Really?!? I’m so excited!!!! πŸ˜€ Yaaaay! Yes! I shall track down your email and email you!! πŸ˜€


      • vyvacious January 16, 2013 at 2:07 am #

        Meow. I cannot find your email on your site 😦 could be because I’m on my phone. Puh-lease email me at VyvaciousEatsATgmailDOTcom orrr tweet me! πŸ™‚ can’t waaaait!


    • Le Clown January 16, 2013 at 10:44 am #

      Holy fucking overdose of emoticons!!! Fuck me! But don’t.
      Le Clown


      • La La January 16, 2013 at 11:00 am #

        Haha on my phone that didn’t come up so I was like what is he on about now?


      • vyvacious January 16, 2013 at 9:06 pm #

        Holy fucking overdose of emoticons is right!! Just ask Sweet Mother, that’s how I am in real life!! πŸ˜› you sure you still want to get poutine with me now…?

        And do not worry, I don’t fancy married men.


  12. The Bumble Files January 15, 2013 at 10:10 pm #

    La La…I think the bodysuit is in your closet. No? I like the video…”It’s only 99 cents!”


    • La La January 15, 2013 at 10:16 pm #

      Ugh you caught me with the suit. I wear it daily!!!!


  13. MissFourEyes January 16, 2013 at 12:27 am #

    Lets do the Carmen Electra booty shake to Tom Jones WITHOUT socks! Oh we’re baaad


  14. David Stewart January 16, 2013 at 8:12 am #

    Some of them are so oddly specific you wonder how more than one person is searching for that.


    • La La January 17, 2013 at 9:59 am #

      I wonder the same. Those people should probably meet and start a club, at the very least.


  15. davidhardingblogs January 17, 2013 at 3:14 am #

    I’ve never heard of McLeMore before but wow that awesome is video!
    It has everything! Even DeLorean. So good!
    Also, the post you did is really really good I gotta do me some of those one day.


    • La La January 17, 2013 at 9:49 am #

      He is an Irish gentleman from Galway and is Lord of the Pony Breeders Society, just so you know.


  16. Kourtney Heintz January 26, 2013 at 3:28 pm #

    LOL. Search terms–love your interpretation of how they got from there to here. πŸ˜‰


  17. Pigeon Heart January 28, 2013 at 7:39 pm #

    One thought, two words: Fucking rad.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: