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Disney Princess Idea

17 Jan


In the fourth grade, I went to see The Lion King and had a truly magical experience. First of all, I sat next to Cal Ripken Jr. in the theater. Win. Secondly, I spent the next ten years or so thinking that after the NYYAAH ZAABEEENNYAAAHH BABIDICHIBABA bit, that they were chanting “pink pajamas, penguins on the bottom /pink pajamas, penguins on the bottom.”
Here, have a listen for yourself (at 27 seconds):



Now, allow me to smoothly segue into the real issue at hand, which is that while I long to look like a Disney Princess, there are none that I resemble quite like the way Becca resembles Ariel.

Hey, Disney, how about a sarcastic, green-eyed princess with dark hair who likes cake a lot? She actually sings and can ride a horse, too. Maybe her prince is older, funny and quite debonaire and saves her from real life situations like when she gets drunk and passes out in the basement. Or maybe she doesn’t get a prince at all and she just goes home and eats chips sometimes and dances in her underpants and every now and then she gets herself into some of the gosh darn kookiest situations. Perhaps her name is “Laurel,” you know, for whimsy sake.

She seems like a neat princess for your next fairy tale (of a charm city chick). See what I did there? So, what do you say? Disney? Hello? Anyone?

A Dolly for Sue

3 Dec

I have to be honest with you guys, I am bitter about Christmas. The actual day is always nice, but everything surrounding it gives me a case of the mean reds. It probably has something to do with the fact that I’m getting older, I live alone, I only get one channel, my house is freezing cold and so on…

Look, this is my tree:




One thing I do love about Christmastime? Stop-motion animation. You know, Rankin Bass style. My favorite is Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. Surely you’ve seen it:


Rudolph and Hermey have a jam sesh

If you haven’t, basically what happens is that Rudolph’s parents hate his nose so they try to cover it up and during training his fake nose pops off and his girlfriend Clarice’s dad is all “heeell no” and Rudolph is sad so he runs away from home and goes on an adventure where he meets Hermey (aspiring elf dentist who also ran away) and a dude named Yukon Cornelius…the greatest prospector in the north. I am disgusted by the way he licks his ice pick. They join together and eventually the traveling trio come across The Island of Misfit Toys where everyone, of course, sings a song:



There was a question that plagued me each year as I watched this part. What’s wrong with the Dolly for Sue? She looks just fine to me (yes I have too much time on my hands).

This year, I finally looked it up to see if there is an explanation. Sure enough, I am not the only curious one. In his book “The Enchanted World of Rankin Bass,” Rick Goldschmidt explains, “In the original broadcast the Dolly’s screen time is mere seconds. I don’t believe Romeo Muller really gave the character much thought. She was granted more screen time in the 1965 and 1997 broadcasts which ultimately led many a fan to wonder what was wrong with her. Arthur Rankin says that Dolly’s problem is more psychological.”

While the rest of the toys were made incorrectly, the girly toy’s problem is psychological. Interesting.

So, what do you think?

My explanation is that her rag doll boyfriend dumped her because things just weren’t working out, so she got depressed and instead of coming back a stronger doll, she just cries, feels bad for herself and eats french fries all the time and the other misfit toys gossip and say things like “Greeeaat, here comes Dolly for Sue again, what a downer.”

Good god, Dolly, you’re embarrassing yourself. Get off your ass already and have some self-respect.

NeverEnding Imaginations

20 Nov

I love reading creative posts and catching a glimpse of what’s inside the imaginations of other bloggers. My imagination gets wild and crazy and I can think of a few childhood experiences that certainly played a major role in that development.

One example is my love for the 1984 film The NeverEnding Story.

Cue majestic music, bitches:


When I was a kid, I made my parents rent that movie every weekend for approximately two years. Something about it truly grabbed my imagination and expanded La La Land into a vast empire where I am still a beautiful empress with a British accent. I also blame it for giving me imaginary friends (a mermaid and a turtle) that lived in the sewer.*

At night I made up related stories while curled up on the floor in my Care Bears sleeping bag. In my head, I WAS The Childlike Empress and I lived in an ivory tower made of glorious light. I imagined (still imagine, just kidding, kind of) someday walking down the aisle wearing her headpiece:

But with real pearls. Image from Etsy.

Except back then I was jonesin’ for some Atreyu:

Atreyu sporting the Auryn. Image from Google.

Is there something from your childhood that you associate with the development of your imagination? Do you still make up stories in your head as you fall asleep? Have you ever put someone’s baby on a dog and pretended he was riding Falcor? No? Oh. I guess I haven’t either, then. That would be a weird thing to do.

Also, this is the song from the movie. Look at this guy. Just look at him…and there upon a rainbow is the answer to a never-ending story.



* My imaginary friends and I are no longer in contact.

The Female Reaction to Magic Mike

2 Jul

You can leave your hat on.


One week ago, I turned on a TV for the first time in two months and saw a preview for “Magic Mike.” At first I thought it was a joke, and then I thought it was a dream, and then I realized no…no, this is real and women all over the earth must be going out of their minds about it.

I’m going to see it tomorrow with two of my friends. However, after reading Rachelle’s post on A Rich, Full Life In Spite of It, it made me question the reason women are going to see it.

I hope that the ladies choosing to see this movie aren’t doing so as a means of retaliation against menfolk for going to strip clubs and watching porn. If a guy is mad because you’re going to see the movie, then I guess he “has to deal with it” the way women are told “to deal with it,” but it seems rather juvenile to rub it in his face, no? Instead, I hope women will take this opportunity to be in the spectator role that we rarely experience in such a way–whether it be in movies or real life. Besides the fact that Channing Tatum is a hunk, the movie provides a change from the usual cinematic divide between men and women and I guess we should give three cheers for having the option to watch 5 dudes gyrate and take off their clothes to “It’s Raining Men.” It’s a nice option to have.

I have only one question, and it might be my lack of a man talking, but why is “Magic Mike” not being shown in 3D?

far out!

17 May

I received my 1,000th like today. Aw, thanks guys! I feel like I won a prize. I wish the prize was that I could invite all of you to a 3-day drunken beach party/writing seminar. I think we should do it. We will have a few speakers and development sessions followed by some group work and creative writing exercises. At sunset, the poets will have a poetry orgy. How fun!

At some point during the party, because it is my dream, I might force all of you to recreate the opening from Beach Blanket Bingo:



It would be the absolute ultimate! I hope you all know how to shake your hips.

On Friday night we can have a story time bonfire and a luau on Saturday night. The entire thing will be catered and there will be a full bar. We could meet, learn and have fun. I’m getting excited just thinking about it!!

One evening, my modern Moondoggie will sing this to me (it’s my party so what I say, goes):



Would you come to my party? I hope so. If I had the funding, I would make it a reality.


How I Became Katniss Everdeen

2 Apr

It is probably for the best that I did not read “The Hunger Games.” Just when I thought I was becoming more of an adult, Hollywood has offered me another chance to live entirely inside my imagination as a badass heroine–and this time it is Katniss Everdeen (for those of you who don’t know, The Hunger Games are an annual event in which one boy and one girl from each of 12 districts are selected by lottery to compete in a televised battle in which only one person can be left standing).

Thoughts I had throughout the movie leading up to me becoming Katniss Everdeen:

1. Teenagers killing each other? I am not so sure I want to see this film.

2. My, my, who is this fine man they have brought before me as Gale Hawthorne? Liam Hemsworth you say? Let us wed.

3. Peeta…I guess we can make out. Hands stay above the waist.

4. Woody Harrelson is in this? He asked for my number one time. It was funny.

5. Lenny Kravitz? Is that you? I need that gold eyeliner.

6. Woah. A lot of teenagers just died. Cool.

7. I want the Katniss braid. I hope one of my hairstylist friends will make this happen–hint hint.

9. I need to take archery lessons so I can be Katniss Everdeen.

10. Peeta, you’re growing on me. You can do me if you want.

11.I really could do all of these things, how am I not Katniss Everdeen?

12. No, wait–I feel it. I already am Katniss Everdeen.


Thanks, Hollywood.

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