Tag Archives: fun

far out!

17 May

I received my 1,000th like today. Aw, thanks guys! I feel like I won a prize. I wish the prize was that I could invite all of you to a 3-day drunken beach party/writing seminar. I think we should do it. We will have a few speakers and development sessions followed by some group work and creative writing exercises. At sunset, the poets will have a poetry orgy. How fun!

At some point during the party, because it is my dream, I might force all of you to recreate the opening from Beach Blanket Bingo:

 

 

It would be the absolute ultimate! I hope you all know how to shake your hips.

On Friday night we can have a story time bonfire and a luau on Saturday night. The entire thing will be catered and there will be a full bar. We could meet, learn and have fun. I’m getting excited just thinking about it!!

One evening, my modern Moondoggie will sing this to me (it’s my party so what I say, goes):

 

 

Would you come to my party? I hope so. If I had the funding, I would make it a reality.

 

In memory.

14 May

 

I would like to say I am sorry for the time we fought and I got all worked up and did not know what to do so I farted on your cat and shouted, “Take that!”

Hey, it lightened the mood and we both laughed so hard that we couldn’t breathe. Isn’t that the best kind of laughter?

Later, you told me I should post about it, but I never did because, I mean, who does that? Well, I guess I do. Hey, I never said I was perfect.

I am sure you’re having a nice laugh in heaven right now remembering that one.

Life will be forever different after today and you know what? I have never been so scared. I will miss the way you used to hold my shoulders, look in my eyes and say, “Be brave, you’ve got this.  I’ve seen what you can do.”

Be brave.

I think that today, after your funeral, I am going to go home and hug your stinky cat, run in the pouring rain and sing every song from Grease 2 at the very top of my lungs. That was our favorite.

Rest easy, Dane. Wow, I am going to miss you.

Wedding fun.

13 May

I went to a wedding last night and wore a pretty halter dress. I didn’t wear underwear with it because I have managed to tuck this particular dress into my underwear on two separate occasions.

I avoided tucking my dress, but I didn’t avoid the wind blowing it up so the 4 guys walking behind me could see my butt. I also didn’t avoid spilling water all over my chest.

So embarrassing. Sometimes I feel like if the personalities of Jess from New Girl and Bridget Jones reproduced, they would create me:

 

The future Mrs. Arthur Fonzarelli in 2010, post underwear tuck.

Benadryl Dreams

2 May

My elbow has calmed down and my sore throat turned out to be allergies. Last night, I decided to take Benadryl to treat my symptoms and I had a dream that it was the 1800’s and ChrisDeVoss showed up at my house to exchange goods (no, not those kinds of goods).

I traded my mint leaves for his Uncrustable (no, not those mint leaves or that Uncrustable) and a video tape with this music video that he thought I would like:

 

 

I do like it, thanks dream Chris. We watched it and jammed the eff out. When it was over, I turned to him and very seriously commented, “When they invent the internet, I am so going to use ‘sexy soufflé’ in one of my posts.” See? Now I have.

I woke up laughing. God bless Benadryl dreams.

My Boyfriend, Vodka

24 Apr

As you can see, Vodka and I are back together again after our rough breakup. I lasted 1 week. I didn’t want to be in the photos, but Vodka (and Sangria) insisted. Yikes.

 

Dear Vodka

16 Apr

Dear Vodka,

After much consideration and very little recollection, I have decided to break up with you.

We fell in love about 2 years ago, when a foot of snow was on the ground and my ex boyfriend had just broken up with me a week before Christmas. The liquor store on my street was open and that’s where we met. Remember that winter? It was fun. My fondest memory was when you made me chase a bunch of children and call them “little shits” after they threw snowballs at me.

You were there for me that day, Vodka, and we’ve been a great team ever since. One time you told me to punch a douche bag who was at the bar. That douche deserved it, and we saved an innocent guy from getting punched. Now that I think about it, that guy owed me a shot of you.

Still, I’m sorry–it’s over. Why? Last weekend alone did me in and I didn’t even throw up, end up in a strange bed, cry or drunk text an ex boyfriend (our most common offense, surely).

 

Don't judge me. You've been here, too.

 

I did, however, fall off a curb in front of a lot of people, I kissed and gave my number to a man who has “pleasure” tattooed on his neck, I braided a woman’s hair and I managed to eat a dog treat. Yes, a fucking dog treat. On Sunday morning, I woke up topless on my kitchen floor with my phone nestled in between my boobs. That was it for me–I knew we had gone too far.

Perhaps it was just because I tried your new peanut butter and jelly flavor, who knows….but really? A mother fucking dog treat? Seriously? A guy with “pleasure” tattooed on his neck? I can do better than this, Vodka. I am a classier gal than this.

I’ll probably be back, but for now I must bid you adieu.

Yours Truly,

Lauren Ann

The luckiest girl in the world

28 Mar

It’s hard to leave you for the day,

Let’s cuddle forever

and be like kids when we play.

At night, we meet at my front door–you kiss me.

I don’t mind that you don’t have a job

and your tattoo gives you history.

So they call it puppy love,

but what can I do?

I am hopelessly and endlessly in love with you.

...even if you burp in my face, have a snaggletooth and occasionally smell like corn chips

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