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Another Skype Date

4 Nov

Don’t worry, this particular Skype date doesn’t involve nudity because it was with Maggie… and she isn’t a douche bag. It was, however, going to involve a dance party, but we got too drunk. At least I think we both did–it may have just been me. I’ll save the robot and Carlton dance for next time, girlfriend.

You should probably check out Maggie if you don’t already read her blog. She’s kind of like me, but in the future. And blonde. I wonder if I’m blonde in the future?

I was pleased to find that she is just as funny and delightful in person on camera as she is in writing. I assume the second half of the conversation was just as enjoyable as the first half. I remember noodles. And her dog. And that we have the same refrigerator. I think I told like an hour-long story after that. Sorry, Maggie. The thing about Skype is that when you open a bottle of wine, the other person isn’t drinking from your bottle and then you have too much fun and drink the whole thing. Oops!

Assuming I didn’t offend you, I’d love to chat again soon! That goes for anyone else I consider a friend. Just saying. We could have a group meeting on Google about a project, maybe. Not that I have a project in mind, but if I did, that would be neat. I promise not to drink too much or take off my shirt or anything. Okay, I’m going now.

Hope everyone is having a lovely Sunday!

 

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And Now for Some Dogs in Star Wars Costumes

31 Oct

These guys made me smile, which is your favorite? I think mine is Chewbacca.
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Happy Halloween (and stuff)

31 Oct

It may have rained in two of my bedrooms, but I made it through the storm. On Monday night I was so bored that I ate an entire bag of Halloween candy, drank a bottle of wine and then, by candlelight and Nicki French’s “Total Eclipse of the Heart,” learned to sing and hula hoop with two hoops at the same time. That will be useful for my future, I’m sure.

Anyway, Happy Halloween! While you all are out with your children, I’ll be stuffing my face giving out candy by myself and wishing I had a screaming kid on a sugar high.

 

 

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Songs for Hurricane Sandy

28 Oct

If you’re like me and ready (absolutely unprepared) to hunker down because of the hurricane, you might enjoy a little music while braving the storm before your batteries die…and you’re left all alone…just you and your thoughts by candlelight. Awesome. And hey, if anything happens to your windows and you need replacements, here’s some advice. 

Good luck out there. Be safe.

1. Jimmy Buffett – Tryin’ to Reason With Hurricane Season

 

2. Eurythmics – Here Comes The Rain Again

 

3. CCR – Who’ll Stop The Rain

 

4. Edie Brickell – A Hard Rain’s A Gonna Fall (love this version a lot)

 

5. The Doors – Riders on the storm

 
6. Bruce Springsteen – Sandy

 
7. Scorpions – Rock You Like A Hurricane (duh)

 
8. The Who – Love Reign O’er Me (see what I did there?)

 
9. The Cult – Rain

 
10. Florence + The Machine

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27 Oct

I hope you’ll enjoy some David Harding with you coffee this morning.

Can Attractive Women Be Funny?

25 Oct

While Nikki Finke, Editor in Chief of Deadline Hollywood, was watching the Emmys’, she wrote:

“Beautiful actresses are not funny. They don’t know how to do comedy…Only women who grew up ugly and stayed ugly, or through plastic surgery became beautiful, can pull off sitcoms or standups. Bowen isn’t a comedienne just like Brooke Shields wasn’t and a zillion more. Because it’s all about emotional pain and humiliation and rising above both by making people laugh with you instead of at you. So stop casting beautiful actresses when you should be giving ugly women a chance.”

It reminded me of an article I read in Vanity Fair by the late Christopher Hitchens. He explained that attractive women don’t need to be funny to get attention from men, that women in general aren’t childish (crude) enough to be funny and that the rare female comedians who are funny are normally “hefty or dykey or jewish” (oh my).

There are other opinions out there suggesting women in general aren’t funny.

So, can attractive women be funny? Can women in general be funny people?

Nope. You’re right, Nikki Finke and ghost of Christopher Hitchens (who quoted the 1911 poem “The Female of the Species” by Rudyard Kipling, which says women deal with the seriousness of motherhood and have no time for jest). I guess we can all agree because we all have the same views on what it means to be “beautiful” and/or “funny,” despite the variety of both female characteristics and types of humor that exist.

I really just can’t think of any funny, pretty women on TV and my lovely lady friends/the beautiful female bloggers are certainly all dull.

And yikes, Kristin Wiig, Maya Rudolph and Tina Fey never get me to even crack a smile:

Photo by Annie Leibowitz, Vanity Fair

Anyway, I’m off to make some sort of stew and have a baby or something. If readers have any examples of funny, attractive women, please share.

No? You don’t? Didn’t think so.

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20 Oct

Power Ballad Serenade

19 Oct

Last night, as I sat down to relax after my long work day, I was startled by a man right outside my window singing at the top of his lungs, “I wanna know what love is, I want you to shoooow me!”

I hoped and prayed that he was drunk and/or had the wrong house. I peered through the blinds, but it was dark and I couldn’t quite make out his face. He continued singing, “I wanna feel what love is, I know you can shoooow me!!”

I opened the window and shouted down to him, “Do I know you?!”

“Yeah! It’s me!” he yelled back. I squinted, but still couldn’t see him.

Just then, the woman across the street opened her window and screamed, “I’m over here, jackass!”

Giggling, I shut the window and watched him turn and stumble across the street. I went back to relaxing and waited patiently for Christopher to get home from work so I could tell him the story and secretly I hoped we would then have a Foreigner sing-along. We did.

Oh please, don’t look at me like that. Everyone loves a power ballad. Which is your favorite? I wanna know, I wanna know, I wanna knnooooowww…

 

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Hugs All Over

14 Oct

I want to hug you
on Bahia Honda beach or
in Baltimore on an autumn afternoon.
We can hug in Central Park,
 
or on the glass skywalk
over the Grand Canyon.
It frightens us both,
but I want to hug you there
 
in snow or spring
or on state lines so
we can be in two places at once,
or four if we’re running west.
 
I have this feeling,
together we can do anything
and wherever we go,
I want to hug you there.

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Lauren’s Less Boring Lesson

12 Oct

This week I learned that I, just like you, should be my own creative self. Lauren + La La = me, and I’m down with that. Thanks for playing along! Oh, and I found out just how much you people love couscous and graveyards (weirdos).

I also learned a lot about delivery and word choice. Here’s an stretch of an example from this morning that has nothing to do with blogging:

I was on the phone with my gentleman friend and we were discussing how I have nothing boring to say in today’s post. I didn’t have anything exciting to say either. When we hung up, I got out of my car and began my trek into work from the parking garage where they finally gave me a space last year (it only took three years).

Having a spot is a huge upgrade from when I to had to park in a west Baltimore neighborhood. I wore my running shoes every day and ran because it isn’t exactly the nicest neighborhood in town. A friend of mine was robbed by a bunch of girls when he parked there.

Anyway, I was walking in this morning and there was a man in the alley between the parking garage and my building. I have seen him creepily lurking around before.

As I walked by I heard him say, “Girl, you look like you got money.”

“Joke’s on him,” I thought, “I’m broke.”

And then he began following me, so I walked faster.

“WAIT! Come here!” he yelled at me. I walked even faster.

He kept following. I got out my mace just in case (and despite being frightened, I was a poet and didn’t know it). He followed me up to the front door of the building and he said,

“I meant to say you look like a million dollars and that ass is a dime-piece.”

“Oh. Thank you!” I replied, and joyfully bounded into the building.

_________________

Just like that, the atmosphere changed from “rob and rape” to “early morning compliment of a gal’s dime-piece.” Perhaps we should keep our own delivery and word choice in mind when we post and give feedback. It sounds obvious, but it’s worth considering. Also, don’t follow anyone down an alley. That’s just dumb. You can follow my blog, though, that’s fine.

I will be out this coming week for business. I will try to comment when I can. Fun things are happening soon. See you next Monday!

 

 

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